Jeff Caruthers: 1 Year Later

"Funny when you're dead how people start listening." - The Band Perry ('If I Die Young')

First, I hope those who wish to know, know Dec. 29, 2011 is the date Jeff died...The official date is Dec. 30, but the final conclusion that his cause of death was 'drowning' leaves no doubt he died on Dec. 29.  The story and timeline left in texts on his cell phone tells the story.

I've been able to reconcile the fact Jeff's dead - death is all of our final destiny - but I'll never get over the fact an otherwise-healthy, six-foot three-inch, 240 pound, 25-year old man died in twelve inches of water in a bathtub...The medical examiners on the scene said it was the ultimate fluke.  They also said there was no sign of struggle.  No bruising, cuts, breaks.  Nothing.  There was also no sign of drugs or alcohol in his final 'tox screen'.  He was showering, had a massive seizure, slumped down in the tub, clogged the drain with his body and peacefully drowned.

The medical examiners were also certain if he went in such a way he had to have done so without pain, because if he had been in pain or had any level of consciousness he could have easily rolled over or pulled himself out of the water.

If nothing else, I am thankful for this.

Unfortunately, there is 'nothing else'.  It's too surreal.

Below are the words of a special young lady; portions of a letter she left in Jeff's mini-coffin (used with her permission):

I want this to be over. But when is it really over? I will never stop missing you, thinking about you, loving you...It's hard accepting the fact that you’re gone. It’s too soon and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I never got one last kiss from you. I never got to tell you how much I love you, how I would do anything to keep you here with me. I know you’re in a good place now but I miss you so much Jeffery...I wish I could have just one more day with you. It tears me up inside knowing I will literally never see you again. I will never get to hug you, or laugh with you. And that’s the hardest part. I love you so much Jeff. It’s not right that you’re gone. It wasn’t supposed to happen. - Holly Caruthers

"It wasn't supposed to happen" is correct.  Not so young, not in the way it happened...But life isn't fair - it is often terribly cruel.

That said, I have no doubt Jeff wouldn't want me, or anyone else who knew him, to stew over his death.  He would want us to live and love, to laugh and have fun.  I have no doubt this is true, and those who wish to honor his death will do him proud to:

1.  Remember Jeff, and by default Patty as well (I know when I think of one, the other instantly comes to mind).  Time may 'heal all wounds', but it shouldn't erase our memories and love...Think of and speak of them often.  Even in death, kind words and fond memories go a long way.

2.  Live - LIVE WELL...Our ultimate destiny is death, and only suicides know their date and means of dying.  So, live life like each day could be your last, because you never know when that twelve inches of water has your name on it.

I love you Brother - Jay